Friday, 31 August 2012
August 2012 Celebrity Quotes
‘I don’t bite my nails, but I rip out my eyelashes. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s really annoying. Every time I run out of the house, I have to stop and pick up a whole set of fake eyelashes,’ she told the New York Daily News. Her compulsive eyelash-plucking is a condition known as trichotillomania, which is the urge to rip out hair as a way of self-soothing. Not to be confused with that time you got carried away tweezing your eyebrows.
Forbes recently announced that Sofia Vergara is the highest paid actress on TV, earning $19 million this past year and edging out Kim Kardashian by $1 million. But do you know what’s more impressive/bigger than her bank balance? Her bra size, which is surely where she’s stashing all her millions. august 2012 celebrity quotes,
In the September issue of Allure magazine, Vergara reveals that her bra size is 32F (that’s big enough to house Surf Village), although she’ll opt for a 34DD in a pinch. ‘Nobody with real boobs usually has those measurements,’ the Modern Family actress explains before moving on to her derriere. ‘I don’t mind when the boobs get smaller. I don’t like when the ass gets smaller. In Latin America, if you don’t have a big ass, you’re nothing.’
Snoop Dogg has joined a long list of musicians to change their name in the hope of reviving their careers. He will now be universally known by the moniker Snoop Lion — as in King of the Jungle, hear him roar — and will also start making reggae music because, as he told a press conference, ‘I have always said I was Bob Marley reincarnated.’
Anyway, our choice quote doesn’t come from Snoop Wolf/Lion/Pegasus, it comes from Zach Braff who took to Twitter to mock the rapper: ‘People changing their name just to get press. So lame. Incidentally, my new name is Zach Lion Metta World Peace Dirty Money Cher.’
Karl Lagerfeld made headlines in February when he called Adele ‘a little too fat’ and now he’s gone and royally put his foot in it by dissing Kate Middleton’s scene-stealing sister Pippa. Unleashing yet another deathly nugget of bitchery, Karl told The Sun newspaper, ‘Kate Middleton has a nice silhouette and she is the right girl for that boy. I like that kind of woman. I like romantic beauties. On the other hand, her sister struggles. I don’t like the sister’s face. She should only show her back.’
Have you ever wondered why Victoria Beckham never smiles? In the September issue of Glamour, the 38-year-old fashion designer explains why she’s rarely photographed flashing her pearly whites. ‘I actually used to smile a lot in pictures. I think I only stopped smiling when I got into fashion,’ before adding, ‘Fashion stole my smile! I’ve created this person. And I’m not saying that’s not me, but I wouldn’t say that’s the whole me.’
That explains a lot and we can totally picture a hunched over Victoria, stroking her face, battling with this ‘other person’ she’s created, and uttering, ‘The thieves! The thieves! The filthy little thieves! Where is it? Where isssss it? They stole it from us. My ssssmile. Curse them! We hates them! Wicked, tricksy, false!’
Will Ferrell is pretty heartbroken over the recent breakup of human girl Kristen Stewart and her vampire boyfriend Robert Pattinson. Making an appearance on Conan, The Campaign actor couldn’t hold back his tears and wailed over the cheating scandal. ‘They were in love,’ a visibly distraught Ferrell sobbed. ‘And she just threw it all away!’
Conan O’Brien then attempted to calm down Ferrell, but he snapped inconsolably: ‘It’s not going to be fine, EVER! Never going to be fine! What they had was so special. You don’t even know! You would never know! She. . . is a trampire!’
The war between Elton John and Madonna has been taken to a new level after six whole months of uneasy ceasefire. Always the one to fire the first shot, Elton John lashed out at Madonna several times in an interview with Australia’s Sunday Night. ‘She’s such a nightmare,’ reeled the Rocket Man. ‘Sorry, her career is over. Her tour has been a disaster and it couldn’t happen to a bigger c**t.’
He then went on (because there was really no stopping the train): ‘If Madonna had any common sense, she would have made a record like ‘Ray of Light,’ stayed away from the dance stuff, and just been a great pop singer and made great pop records, which she does brilliantly. But no, she had to prove that she [could do it all] and she looks like a f***ing fairground stripper.’ Miaow.
Pamela Anderson was eliminated in the seventh week of Dancing with the Stars when she competed in 2010, but now that she’s been invited back for season 15′s all-star edition, she swears she’ll approach things a little differently. ‘I’ve sworn off men until November. . . [And I will] rehearse a lot more and try to stay out of trouble because I’m a self-sabotager,’ the bombshell man-eater told People.com. Competitors in the new DWTS include actress Kirstie Alley, ‘N Sync’s Joey Fatone and 98 Degrees singer Drew Lachey. It will premiere on September 24th, which means two whole months of Pammy keeping her clothes on — think she can do it?
Sorry to leak this to you in the midst of Summer, but Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps have revealed that, on occasions, people do relieve themselves in the pool.
‘I think there’s just something about getting into chlorine water that you just automatically go,’ Lochte said on Seacrest’s radio show, while also joining in on the candid confessions, Phelps told the Wall Street Journal: ‘I think everybody pees in the pool. It’s kind of a normal thing to do for swimmers. When we’re in the water for two hours, we don’t really get out to pee.’ But it’s not a problem, because ‘chlorine kills it.’
If you haven’t caught TLC’s latest ratings grabber, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, then you’re missing out on the joys of gay pigs, farting, and ‘The Redneck Summer Games.’ You’re also missing out on Mamma Boo Boo comparing a certain body part of hers to a split open Hardee’s biscuit, but we’ll spare you that quote.
Anyway, this show is basically 30 minutes worth of sound bites, our favourites of which include Honey Boo Boo Child explaining that her pig is gay because ‘you can’t tell a pig what to do.’ There’s also some precious diet advice from 15-year-old ‘Chubs,’ who says ‘if you fart 12-15 times a day, you could lose a lot of weight, so I think I’m gonna lose a lot of weight.’
We don’t just love celebrities for their movies, music and revolving door relationships. No. We also love them for their insightful words of wisdom that always put a smile on our face.
Thanks to this month’s batch of celebrity quotes, our lives are now enriched with knowledge of Sofia Vergara’s bra size, Shia LaBeouf’s premature retirement, and an answer to the age-old question of ‘Is it normal to pee in a swimming pool?’